Antisemitism and Silent Porn

Since Laos, these two guys have been traveling with me. I try to shake them off at every turn, but they’re like two big British leeches. Their names are Jon and Bop.

Here’s a picture of each of them for reference.

Jon embracing his inner ladyboy

Jon embracing his inner ladyboy

Here's the chillest dude I met on my trip. Oh, and that's Bop on the left

Here’s the chillest dude I met on my trip. Oh, and that’s Bop on the left

Over the course of the trip, a running joke they’ve had is that I’m Jewish. This is understandable because I do look quite Jewish. However, I’m not. This fact does not stop Jon and Bop from making Jewish jokes at every opportunity. Things like saying “where are Jew?” when we’re trying to meet up or asking me for the sack of Jew gold that I keep around my neck.

Things started to calm down after a few weeks until one fateful night. A group of about 10 of us decide to go to a sit down restaurant. If I remember right, it was a Mexican food place, or at least they served Mexican food. Point being, it was not a Jewish place.

So we’re all eating at a long table and there’s a bar to our left. There’s a lull in the conversation and the bartender looks at me, raises his glass, nods his head and says “L’Çhayim”. I look at him very confused and he says, “You’re from Israel, right?”. I say no, I’m from California. He looks dead embarrassed and pretends to hide behind the bar. Everyone at the table is cracking up. Jon and Bop can barely contain themselves.

Needless to say, this cemented the Jewish jokes and they have been relentless ever since. They’ve started calling me “Jew Maria”. The Jew part is pretty self explanatory, and the Maria part comes from a futbol (soccer) player called Angel di Maria. They claim that I look like him. If you don’t know who he is, have a quick search on google images. He’s damn near one of the ugliest players in the game. Assholes.

There was a portion of trip where we split up and they went to Bali. These are a few of the pictures that they sent me.

Jewish_car

Not even the right number of sides. Get you racism together boys

Not even the right number of sides. Get you racism together boys

Fast forward to Cambodia and we’re in Siem Reap to go see Angkor Wat. We check into our hostel and are staying in a dorm room with about 12 beds total. We’re in there and it doesn’t look like anyone else is in the room so we start having some man chat (mainly about beef jerky and girls). Jon looks outside and says, “that girl’s ass is absolutely eating those shorts, come look guys”. We all gather around the window to take a look. It’s more beautiful than Angkor Wat. It’s at this point that a lump on one of the beds rolls over and turns out to be a girl that we didn’t know was there. We try to recover but, understandably, she thinks we’re douchebags.

There’s a pool at the hostel and it’s a nice day so we decide to change and head out there. Bop leaves to take a shower real quick while Jon and I get ready. Jon has a speaker that can be connected to via bluetooth. He grabs it from his bag, turns it on, and then leaves the room for a second.

Right as Jon walks away, some interesting noises start coming from the speaker. As it gets louder, it’s unmistakable. Porn is blasting through the speaker, and it’s pretty aggressive stuff. At this point it’s just me, the random girl, and a speaker blasting out hardcore porn. I try to explain that I’m not doing it, but after the ass comment, she’s a bit reluctant to believe me.

Jon comes back and I start blaming him because I assume he left porn up on his phone and forgot about it. He shows me his phone and has closed everything but the porn is still blasting through the speakers. We have no idea what’s going on and just shut the speaker off and head outside.

We’re sitting by the pool for a few minutes when Bop arrives. We tell him the story about the mysterious porn speaker and he starts cracking up. Little did we know, while Bop was in the “shower” he was watching porn on his phone and was extremely confused why he didn’t have any sound. Apparently, he was the last one who was synced to the speaker. Being the man that he is, he soldiered on through the mute porn while we tried to save our already tarnished reputations with the random girl in the room.

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About the author

Hi my name is Nick Holke

I’m 25 years old and am currently living in California.

If you wanna know a bit more about me and the website, click here.

3 Comments

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  • Wow this is absolutely hilarious (the Jew stuff and the silent porn)! Glad to have stumbled upon your blog. I too know the difficulties of those fancy Bluetooth speakers. And I’ve totally seen that Argentine soccer player before – he has much more of a pea head than you though.

    • Thank you for the kind words about the blog and the shape of my head! I’ll be using this comment as evidence that the nickname shouldn’t stick, although it may already be a lost cause

  • Angel Jew Maria, I too enjoy soccer, Panda Express orange chicken, and the occasional white russian. And oddly enough, I graduated from UCSB as well. SO MANY COINCIDENCES!!!!!

    I live in California, maybe we should hang out sometime. Or maybe we can fly to a Thailand and Eiffel Tower a ladyboy. SO MANY CHOICES!!!!!!

    Keep posting things, your adventures make me laugh like a hyena (trip to Africa together to Eiffel Tower a hyena? Why not bro?)

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